Naked Joy

Season's Greetings?

2010-11-11T13:46:00.000-08:00

A Letter to Santa in the Not So Distant Future:

Dear Santa,

Merry Chris—wait, no. I mean Happy Holi...sorry, that's not right, either. Okay, well just want to wish you a joyful Winter Solstice Season as you travel all around the world to visit all the little boys and girls next week.

Did you get the last letter I wrote to you? I hope so. I dropped it in the Macy's “Believe” box. It's red and appears in the store every year around November, so I guess this has something to do with you, although it's sort of confusing about what it is everyone is supposed to actually believe in.

And well, I just want you to know that my sister and I really wanted to make you some Pure Holiday chocolate chip cookies this year. Dad said they used to be called Christmas cookies, but a few years ago, the people at Hershey's chocolate thought that term was offensive to others, so...you know...we don't use that word anymore when talking about cookies made between Thanksgiving and New Year's.

Anyways, like I said, we wanted to make you cookies, but my mom said that all we are doing is enabling you to stay overweight. She also said we need to apologize for saying that your belly is like a bowl full of jelly. We have become insensitive to your needs and feelings, mom said, and so all we can leave you this year is a couple of celery sticks and some sugarless gum. And maybe we'll see you on the next season of the Biggest Loser.

Oh, yeah, when you land on the roof, you'll see the chimney is blocked off now. Dad was afraid that if you got hurt in the chimney, you might sue our behinds right off, so he installed a lift on the side of the house so you can safely ride that to the ground and then walk right in through the front door. Isn't that great?

I hope you like the lights on our December Tree. We normally only light them for five minutes a day—we are going totally green now—but we will leave them on for you when you come. So you can see them, but also so you don't trip when you come in the door—you know—so you don't sue our behinds right off if you get hurt in our living room. But when you leave the house, mom would like it, bless your heart, if you'd turn off the tree lights on your way out. Thank you.

Well, guess that's all I wanted to say this time. I'm writing to you from McDonald's. Mom brought me and my sister here today, and you know what? The lady at the cash register said, “Warmth, Happiness, and Joy,” to me today! Santa, what did she mean?

Well, stay warm and make sure you properly maintain your sleigh and that all your reindeer eat only organic food. I don't want them to get sick or anything, and I don't want you to have any accidents on the way to my house. Bundle up.

Can't wait 'til you come and to hear you shout, “Happy Reindeer Day and to all a goodnight!” after you've made your rounds and are flying in front of the moon! Woohoo.

Signed,

A Child Who Knows Nothing of Christmas

Dr. Carl Jung on Self Acceptance

2010-10-19T17:25:00.000-07:00

To accept oneself as one is may sound like a simple thing, but simple things are always the most difficult things to do. In actual life to be simple and straightforward is an art in itself requiring the greatest discipline, while the question of self-acceptance lies at the root of the moral problem and at the heart of a whole philosophy of life.

Is there ever a doubt in my mind that it is virtuous for me to give alms to the beggar, to forgive him who offends me, yes, even to love my enemy in the name of Christ? No, not once does such a doubt cross my mind, certain as I am that what I have done unto the least of my brethren, I have done unto Christ.

But what if I should discover that the least of all brethren, the poorest of all beggars, the most insolent of all offenders, yes, even the very enemy himself--that these live within me; that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness, that I am to myself the enemy who is to be loved--what then?

Then the whole Christian truth is turned upside down; then there is no longer any question of love and patience; then we say "Raca" (fool) to the brother within us; then we condemn and rage against ourselves! For sure, we hide this attitude from the outside world, but this does not alter the fact that we refuse to receive the least among the lowly in ourselves with open arms. And if it had been Christ himself to appear within ourselves in such a contemptible form, we would have denied him a thousand times before the cock crowed even once.

Autism & Joy

2010-06-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody!

In response to a few things I've recently read and to those who come to my blog to read various posts about autism, I've created a new blog just for you! It is called Autism & Joy, and you can find it at http://autismandjoy.blogspot.com/.

I hope you find it both encouraging and enjoyable.

God Bless.

Einstein's Twin

2010-05-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

5 Big Autism Myths

2010-04-23T12:59:00.000-07:00

Stereotypes, as damaging as they can be at times, are really a set of heuristics we use to make getting to know numerous people a little bit simpler. In other words, we sort of need these mental shortcuts (heuristics) to help us out on the social scene or we'd take forever to get to know just one person.

But autistic people, given some of our social deficits, are not as easy to innately get to know. For this reason we live our lives up to our necks in assumptions that really aren't all that helpful to us or to you, either.

Today I'm going to poke some holes in a few of those myths.

1. All Autistic People Possess A High I.Q. or "Super Intelligence."

Not quite ten years ago, Dr. Fred Volkmar's (Yale University) research on autistic children showed that 65% have an I.Q. of less than 70. Twenty-five percent have a normal I.Q. ranging from 70 to 110. The remaining 10% have an above average I.Q. over 110.

As people become more aware of the need for earlier and more consistent intervention the incidence of mental retardation is expected to drop below 50% in the coming years but still this percentage is quite high. And very few of us, especially girls, have what one would consider a genius I.Q. Super-intelligence is a complete myth, although average intelligence isn't, which means college is a reality for many of us as well as complete and healthy lives with proper social support in place.

2. All Autistic People Have Savant Skills.

About 10% of autistic people regardless of their I.Q. have skills which are now called "Islets of Ability" or they were a few years ago. People keep trying to come up with a politically correct name for these abilities so the name changes all the time.

Truthfully, these are just novelty skills that really don't mean much, if anything, in the real world. I can load up a shopping cart with dozens of items and know when I get to the checkout counter how much each individual item costs as it rides down the little belt thingy. But is this little trick ever going to pay the bills or get me on Oprah? Nope. It's just something I can do like the way some people can juggle. It's just not a big deal.

Less emphasis on these skills is helpful to the autistic person and more emphasis on skills that teach us how to function better in society is needed. Don't get hung up on someone who knows when Easter's going to be in 2130. We'll all be dead then. It doesn't matter, and it isn't indicative of super-intelligence which is--tah dah--a myth!

3. Autistic People Don't Have Feelings.

Please. If I had a dime for every time I cried watching those Folger's commercials at Christmas, I could retire. We do have feelings. But we are prone to be more forthright when we speak to other people because of differences in our frontal lobes. I have trouble saying anything else other than what I mean, even when the situation calls for a little couth. I just can't pull it off. If you ask me, "Do I look fat in this?" and you do, I really do know not to say yes. But because I have trouble with quick thinking, I'll pause long enough that you'll know what's really going through my mind.

But if I asked you, "Do I look fat in this?" and you said yes, I'd go home and cry. Even if what you said was true. My feelings get hurt with the same intensity yours do.

4. Meltdowns Are Forever.

Children who cannot communicate physical pain and who do not understand the concept of sickness and therefore cannot say they don't feel well are prone to have meltdowns for these reasons and more. But for those who have milder cases of autism, meltdowns do not have to persist into adulthood. We have to work harder to cope with our frustrations and an over sensitive bio-chemical system, but to do so is not altogether impossible.

Autistic people are more than capable of learning how to love and respect other people and it is not that difficult with training to say to people, "I need to excuse myself. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed/overstimulated right now. I'm interested in what you are saying/doing, and I will return shortly." It takes practice to do this smoothly, but we can pull it off with pleasing and relationship building results.

5. Autistic People Never Get Lonely.

We do. And we do because we are people, and people are relational. We might not connect with the world graciously all the time, but we want to be involved with others. We want to share our interests. We want to know your interests. One of my strengths is encouraging people from all walks of life to live their dreams. I think my true calling in life is to be a cheerleader to those who have nearly given up on themselves actually. Unfortunately, people do not see this quality in me all too easily so I still spend more time alone than I really desire, but I think in time this will change.

My point is, though, I don't like being alone. It's true I need more time than others to recharge my batteries, but when they are charged, I want to be social. I want to relate to others and be a part of something instead of getting shoved off to the side. We all want to be a part of something, I think.

So these are just a few stereotypes I encounter on a regular basis. What about you? What myths do you encounter?

Flying the Friendly Skies

2010-04-22T14:38:00.000-07:00

Need a laugh? Here's Brian Regan's take on modern day air travel. Happy flying y'all!

What Is Compassion?

2010-04-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning thinking about compassion. What is it exactly and how should it manifest itself in the life of a Christian?

According to dictionary.com compassion means "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering."

When Jesus lived among us, I think what interests me most about His life is that as busy as He was, every time someone asked Him to come and heal their dead, afflicted, or dying relative, He never once said no. He never once said, "Don't you know I'm the Son of God? I mean, I have an agenda here. I've only got about three years to carry out my mission which means I don't have time for you."

No matter what Jesus had on His "to do" list, He always showed compassion to those who needed and asked Him for it.

Truthfully I do not think we are born with the ability to have this kind of compassion so I don't blame people for not showing it when the opportunity arises. But I do think as Christians, as we mature, we are responsible to ask the Holy Spirit to anoint us with this type of concern for others and we should not stop asking until it is manifested in our lives.

I don't see much of this asking in the Body of Christ, unfortunately. Instead, all too often I hear, "Well, I could have helped, but I didn't feel led." I hate to burst the bubble of the majority of believers, but I simply don't feel this is a biblical principle and here's an example of what I mean:

Say you are driving your car and you approach a red light. You simply stop when you see it, don't you? You don't need a passenger in the front seat of your car to also tell you to stop because the rules of the road are completely ingrained in your mind (let's hope so, anyway).

The same is or should be true about the Word of God. If you see someone who is all alone and suffering, any and all scripture that speaks of how to treat someone in a helpless condition should be so ingrained in your heart that you don't need the additional prompting of the Holy Spirit to tell you what to do. Reaching out to the hurting, lonely, and lost should be second nature to the mature Christian.

The sad truth I'm finding out is it's not second nature to these Christians. Some use their knowledge of the Word to create an intellectual argument about their lack of compassion and commitment to the Body of Christ. Some use their family (despite the fact the children are grown and left the nest a long time ago) as an excuse. Some use their jobs even when they have multiple homes, cars, and material possessions that most of us will never have if we lived three lifetimes. Still others use psychology and scream out, "Boundaries, we need boundaries! We can't say yes to everything! (which is right, but this begs the question...what are you saying "yes" to?)" and the list of excuses goes on and on.

Matthew 10:42 says, "And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

What earthly reward are you afraid of losing should you take the time to reach out to another Christian (one of Jesus' disciples) who is suffering and in need? Do you really not believe Jesus will restore to you what you lost and then not increase the amount of the very thing you sacrificed in His Name?

Pray for compassion. You'll be surprised at what happens in your life when you do. You won't be disappointed.

What is Mercy?

2010-04-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought about what the word mercy means in the biblical sense? To be honest, I really didn't until a few days ago. But since then I can't seem to stop thinking about it.

The long and short of it is that when mercy appears in Scripture, one of its Hebrew translations is hesed. The problem with this is hesed does not actually mean mercy. In fact, it cannot truly be translated into a single English word. Other definitions of hesed include loving-kindness and covenant loyalty.

My friend tells me that mercy is simply got getting what we deserve in terms of punishment. But in my mind I somehow feel that it means so much more. I tend to believe mercy is a tireless, limitless expression of God's love for man which He has extended and will continue to extend forever.

Mercy is a hard concept to grasp. It does not mean Christians will not suffer in this life or that suffering is even unjust (though it can be). But perhaps just like there is no real English equivalent to the word hesed maybe the true meaning of mercy goes beyond the scope of the limited human imagination.

Even so, let us open our hearts to its broadest and best meaning and do our best to live according to it. You can't go wrong walking in love.

Swagbucks Nation

2010-04-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly sure how Swagbucks made it onto my radar because like most of you I think about 99% of the "search on the internet and earn (and I use that term loosely) stuff" sites are bogus. In fact, they are probably a few levels below bogus.

But Swagbucks is different. Quite often when I do a search (about every second or third one), a pop up appears to congratulate me on a Swagbucks win. This happens two or three times a day, so while I consider this winning rather than earning, in just a few days time I've honestly scored enough SB's to redeem them for a few things I actually would like to have.

On top of winning by searching, members of SB are encouraged to hunt around the site and search for secret codes that reward people with even more SB's. The codes are generally found on Facebook, Twitter, the SB blog, and the ever popular Swagbucks toolbar. You even get SB's for downloading the toolbar onto your computer.

I have to admit that searching for codes is somewhat addictive, which has made me think a lot about the success of this site and why it is so incredibly successful. (I think about everything.) Here's my take on it:

I think TSG (The Swag Guy who writes the blog and posts on FB) is really not a guy at all. I think "he" is an entire team of cognitive psychologists hired by at least one marketing agency to figure out the best way to "encourage" (i.e., manipulate, but in a nice way) people to spend time looking at ads on the internet in order to further encourage them to part with the little green pieces of paper in their wallets.

Additionally, I think every cognitive psychologist on the Swagbucks Team probably got an A+ in their Learning and Conditioning class--because whether we like to admit this or not--the strategic timing of when we are rewarded for searching and how much we are rewarded for said searching is exactly what this site is all about. Remember Pavlov's dogs, folks? Not to make anyone feel bad, but I've seen some salivating over the anticipation of those beloved codes.

It's genius, really. The rewards are frequent enough to keep you coming back for more, and if you've won 50 SB's earlier in the day, you don't mind winning just 3 some other time because you know the next time you search, you might just win about 12.

Swagbucks has nearly 200,000 fans on Facebook according to its site, so if you don't think it pays to be a cognitive psychologist--think again. They know how to tap into the unconscious mind and get people's attention. They know when you walk into the grocery store you will automatically turn your head to the right and spend most of your time looking at products just below your eye level (and since you spent all that time looking at that product, they know you are more likely to buy it). They know quite a bit. So does Swagbucks.

But that's okay. It's not like SB's dupes people. They are upfront about what they do, the site really is free (and hassle free) and I've never had any spam in my inbox and no creepy sales people call me at all hours of the day. And they do actually take a few dollars back out of the multi-billion dollar advertising business and share them with those of us who probably should find better things to do than hang out with our computers all day. Not that I'm knocking people who do that, as I'm pretty much one of them...

So without any further ado I'm going to put up the Swagbucks badge on my sidebar. It's fun, and I've found that a lot of nice people participate. There's a surprising lack of hostility among the blog posters, and most of them like to drop clues to help others find and crack the codes (code sharing is grounds for account deletion). You don't see kindness like this on the internet all that much anymore.

Happy searching, y'all.

What Is Forgiveness?

2010-03-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness is not easily understood because contrary to what others may think, it is not something we do when we feel like it. Rather, extending forgiveness is purely an act of our will. Depending on the offense committed and the pain involved, however, anger and hurt feelings may and usually do persist after we get to the point where we can say, "I forgive you."

I've noticed, though, that the pain of bigger offenses diminishes fairly rapidly after I decide to forgive. After a while, my feelings become submissive to my will and are renewed when my mind is renewed. Even so, I feel it's important to say that if a crime has been committed against you or one of your loved ones, extending forgiveness before going through and completing the grieving process is often counterproductive and can do more emotional harm than good. Just food for thought.

But what about forgiveness for little offenses? More and more I see people unable to reconcile over the most trivial differences. I mean we are living in a world now where just saying "Merry Christmas" to the wrong person can land you in court. People are angry but instead of dealing with feelings of hostility and jealousy (a feeling I don't even like to admit I have), we fight and cut each other out of our lives over nothing and we do all this without really batting an eye. I've come to realize this is terribly wrong.

This scripture (Matthew 18:21-22) really hit home with me yesterday (it's one of those familiar ones I tend to gloss over instead of mull over): "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

Hmmm. Who among us would put up with seventy-seven offenses committed in one day by the same person without writing her off? I wonder...

Dreaming with God

2010-03-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

If the name of this post sounds familiar to some of you it's because it's also the name of a book (pictured here) written by Bill Johnson.

Dreaming with God. What a concept. This implies that He not only loves us and cares for our general welfare but even our deepest desires mean a great deal to Him.

This is no less true, biblically speaking, than the fact that Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary or that He was raised from the dead on the third day. "Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4.

Some Christians I know worry about whether their dreams are from God and thus fear they are stepping outside His will should they pursue those dreams in the event they do not come from Him. I think prayer and common sense help with the discernment process but here are some ways to tell where the dreams you have are coming from. They are often a product of or are confirmed by:

1. Your Natural Abilities.

Dreams from God are often built on the foundation of gifts we tend to naturally have. Braeden Kerschner, featured in this post, could already play nine instruments and was the conductor of his high school orchestra by the time his dream of becoming the youngest guest conductor of the Boston Pops came to fruition. His dream motivated him to hone his talents and the development of his talents, in turn, honed his dream.

2. Your Family History.

I've often been asked if I ever thought about becoming a nun (yes, it's true). The answer, in case you are wondering, is no. But if I am to be honest, I have wondered what it would be like to be a priest, and the idea of becoming one sort of intrigues me. I wasn't raised in a Christian home so I've always been puzzled as to why the desire to live a holy life stops me in my tracks. There's nothing more in this life I want than to be a holy person of God. But where did that come from?

My ancestors. I didn't know it until a few years ago, but several of them were Christians who walked closely with God and spent their entire lives serving Him in one form or another. The fact that I want to do the same is not fake or self-righteous piety. It is a longing to do and to be what I'm evidently genetically geared to do and to be.

3. The Dream Itself.

If your lifelong dream is to be some type of clergy or you want to be a missionary and live on little more than faith alone, then there really is no question of the origin of that dream. Who sits around wishing they could live their adulthood in poverty, abstaining from most of the pleasures this world has to give? No one that I know of, except for the folks I just mentioned.

I've met some of them. And do you know they actually worry they are being selfish or they wonder if this dream is their "flesh." Yikes. No--unless you think you are or want to be the next Joel Olsteen, a dream to serve God in some capacity truly comes from the heart of God.

4. Doors Unexpectedly Open.

When I was very young, my dream was to live down South somewhere. And that opportunity came along when it was time to go to college. Unfortunately, I didn't find out about the College of Charleston until after their application deadline, but I sent one in anyway.

Despite the fact that at that time they only accepted 25% of out of state students (who often applied early), my application was late, my SAT score was less than stellar as was my high school career, the College said yes when really the answer should have been no. I've lived in the Charleston area for 20 years now and have no doubt this is the place God intended for me to live. But I wouldn't have had the courage to move had this not been a persistent dream of mine since my childhood.

5. Other People.

I once met a woman who had adopted two children from Russia even though she was single. She said she did it because one day she just started to dream about it. She thought she was crazy, but right at the time this desire took a hold of her heart, everyone in her life began to talk both spontaneously and constantly about adoption or Russia! Then she met a woman who specialized in foreign adoptions. No matter where this woman went, she just couldn't get away from the issue. She realized, through praying and seeking the advice of others that this was God's will for her and He chose to communicate it through the form of a desire He put into her heart.

This list to discern the origin of your dreams and desires is certainly not exhaustive by any means. But if you are concerned about this issue, and many Christians are, then perhaps this can be a tool to help you narrow things down a bit.

Nothing takes the place of a good accountability group, and it is important to guard your heart, but not to the point where you choke the life out of what's God put inside of you. That's fear, and fear does nothing but hold a person back. Discover your gifts. Use them. You won't regret it.

Feeling the Burn

2010-03-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

Last January--January of 2009 that is--I developed some overuse injuries from my hour long workouts on the treadmill. Instead of taking the recommended month to recover, I generously extended my recovery time until um, just this past Sunday.

Part of the reason for not getting back onto the exercise horse has to do with logistics. I moved and no longer have access to a gym. Plus, for the last six months it's done nothing but rain in my neck of the woods! So much for my plan to use the great outdoors to inspire and motivate me to whip myself back into shape.

But play time is over now. A nearby apartment complex has enough stairwells to climb for an entire hour (which strangely I either never noticed before or just conveniently ignored), so I've been hitting the new "gym" every day this week. Wow. All I can say is I'm a just a little more than sore at the moment.

I'm not sure why it took me so long to see the need to get back to exercising. I suppose it is because my clothes still fit me, and I don't need an oxygen tank after ascending a few steps. Even so, the sudden appearance (sudden to me--I'm sure others noticed it long before I did!) of a spare tire when I sit has been bothering me lately. I think it's time to deflate it.

I'm not sharing anything profound here. I just wanted to confess how my thirteen month love affair with my couch came into existence and although parting is such sweet sorrow, I have to say goodbye to you, my dear sofa. Sad as it may be, I've got some mountains in my life to climb. Or at least some stairs anyway. But don't worry. I'm sure in no time you'll find someone new.

7 Lessons I've Learned By Blogging

2010-03-11T15:46:00.000-08:00

Blogging is an interesting hobby. Essentially, for those of us not trying to make a buck with our "web presence," we bloggers are just keeping a diary for the whole world to read. But remember those diary keys, ladies? We guarded them and our secrets with our lives. No boys or prying eyes allowed. Hmmm. I think I miss those days.

Still, I admit I enjoy blogging and have learned a few things about myself and my hobby since I started writing. Here are a few of those lessons:

1. I'm Just Not That Into Me.

In my zeal to launch a blog and attract traffic, I joined Facebook, Twitter, Technorati, Photobucket and who knows what else. I even created an avatar with my picture on it so people would see my face whenever I left a comment. While it doesn't bother me when other people do these things in order to promote themselves or their cause, I learned it didn't suit me. In fact, I realized...

2. Facebook Is Sort of Creepy.

Yeah, I said it. Facebook is sort of creepy. It has 350 million members--or it did a few months ago. Surely a few million more folks have since joined. That's just too many people knowing each other's business in my opinion, so I quit. Deleted my account. Said goodbye to socially acceptable voyerism. Privacy is a good thing, people. I'm holding onto mine.

3. Twitter On the Other Hand...

Isn't so bad. The people I tend to follow (a whopping 6 in total) often write meaningful tweets. Perhaps I should be more interested in what half the world eats for breakfast, like the Facebook crowd is, but really I can't say that I am. Thank you, conscientous tweeters, for your informative posts. Now if I could only figure out how to properly use Twitter, I'd be good to go.

4. Bad Blogs Are Easy To Create.

In trying to get tips on how to build a decent blog, I saw dozens of sites that easily explain what a bad blog looks like. They aren't hard to identify, especially those written in foreign languages and then "run" through a translator. But what makes a good blog good? Who knows. If you write well, feel compelled to build and to maintain community with others and have a passion for your subject, then I think you're off to a good start. An eye for visual layout doesn't hurt either.

5. Blog Giveaways Annoy Me.

It's advised that if you want to get people to read your blog, have a giveaway. I like this idea but after trying to participate in some of the contests, I just threw my hands up. I do not want to follow anyone on Google Friend Connect, Facebook, or Twitter, AND leave comments in order to win a prize. If your blog is worth reading, I'll come back! If it isn't, be charitable and have your contest without strings. Then make a better blog.

6. What are Linkbacks or Backlinks?

I don't even know as you can tell from my question. Something I suppose that helps your Google page rating. I think mine is like 3 million or more now. I'm clearly in no danger of anyone reading MY diary at the moment. At any rate, I don't see the point of linkbacks. They appear to be self serving, and again, I'm just not that into me.

7. I'm Always Tempted...

To delete my sappier posts. There are moments when I'm overwhelmed with love and compassion for others so I just have to shout out my feelings from the rooftops! Then days later I wonder, "What in the world was I thinking?" Beautiful You is one such entry that makes me feel this way, but I'm resisting the urge to send it to the recycle bin in the sky. For now, anyway.

What have you gained by blogging? Tell me about it.

Naked Joy

2010-02-17T19:13:00.000-08:00

What is naked joy exactly? People ask me that sometimes wondering how I came up with such a name for my blog. Then they blush.

I suppose to minimize any discomfort among the prudent at heart I could have named this "Exposed Happiness," but somehow that just doesn't have a snappy ring to it. I wanted a memorable name but something that captured the risk it takes to be joyful in a typically angry and hostile world.

Risk implies vulnerability, and vulnerability is an emotional bearing of one's soul, and so there you go. Naked. And I want to let my passion for life to just hang out. That's the light of joy.

Naked Joy.

I felt a quite a bit of that when Charleston was finally graced with a few inches of snow the other night. What a beautiful sight for these Northern eyes to behold early last Saturday morning. I love the snow. I played in it until my feet went numb. Then I warmed them up and did it all over again. And again...and again...

Reenactment of Brian Regan

2009-10-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

Just call it a healthy respect for third degree burns and fire, but along with cooking, I don't iron, either. Although with Brian Regan's state of the art ironing board design, maybe I should give it a try...

My thanks goes out to the two guys who put this video together. They are funny in their own right.

Spreading the Joy Around

2009-10-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

If you need a little more joy in your life, and who doesn't, check out Brandi Reynold's blog, "The Joy Rebel." On Mondays she sends you out on a mission (should you choose to accept it, she says) to rediscover just what it is that puts a smile on your face.

Brandi designed this Joy Rebel badge pictured here as well as the one posted on my sidebar. If you have a blog, copy the code, paste it into a gadget and let the world know you've joined the rebellion!

Speed Bumps: Getting Past Them

2009-10-12T18:04:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I took a horseback riding class for a couple of college credits. I loved everything about it...the horses, the barn, cats, the dog named Speed Bump.

He was orangey-yellowish in color. Every day he'd stretch out across the dirt road to the barn and catch some shut eye. Cars meant nothing to this dog. Neither did horns. He'd just lay there, not moving a muscle, looking and acting just like a spe--well, you get it, but you see how he earned his name.

Speedy just had a special gift of stopping everyone in their tracks. The world revolved--or rather drove around him. I didn't mind driving around a dog. But for most of my life, I constantly tried to navigate around another kind of obstacle--the mother of all speed bumps--the speed bump of fear.

You know what? I never got around it. I refused to acknowledge its existence. You only just run into what you don't see. Worse still, when others were vulnerable enough to show me their fear, I just put them down. So much easier to do than to admit to feeling afraid all the time.

But not so long ago, I recalled the time when Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was so afraid to die that His sweat fell in drops of blood from His brow. If He was that afraid to face the cross, and He was the Son of God, why then did I think fear in others was a weakness?

I'm still in the middle of a paradigm shift here to be honest. But admitting I do feel fear helps me somehow to get past it. And now I can appreciate when others feel this way, too. It's human. It's real. And it's okay.

Feel free to share what you're struggling with today. Maybe you have a link to some of your artwork or photography. Maybe you wrote a poem. Any kind of artistic expression is welcome.

I don't have any secret wisdom here. It just seems to me that honestly taking a look at something makes that thing smaller and less powerful. Whatever your speed bump is, if you want to move on, acknowledging what's in your way is likely to help you continue your journey. That's what we all want, don't you think? To move ahead?

Learning to Walk Again

2009-10-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

About ten years ago I noticed my arms didn't move when I walked. My knees hurt all the time. Turtles passed by me when they were out on a stroll.

But who cares how fast you go or how you look when you walk, right? Right. It doesn't matter.

That's what I thought until one day I woke up with a searing pain in my left shoulder. Yeah. Seems the muscles around my rotator cuff had atrophied which resulted in an encapsulated tendon, which resulted in my decision to learn how to walk again.

Seems silly doesn't it? To relearn how to do something you've known how to do just about your whole life? It's not like I didn't get around. I did, but after awhile I just realized there was a more effective and less painful way to move around the planet.

Relearning to forgive people has been sort of the same process for me. I learned about the necessity of forgiveness years ago and thought I was practicing it well after all this time. But a flare up of emotional pain that never would have surfaced had I been exercising either the muscles of mercy or grace told me otherwise.

I admit that this realization and my pain discouraged me somewhat, but forgiveness and love are simply two fundamental principles of Christianity that can neither be ignored nor denied. If I want to be Christ-like and love my neighbor, then there is no choice but for me to go back and relearn what I thought I already knew.

It's hard but not impossible. In terms of my gait, I've got a spring in my step now. I walk upright, strong, and tall. My knees don't hurt anymore because I've learned to bend them, and my arms swing just fine.

I've discovered forgiving and loving haven't been impossible, either. R.T. Kendall wrote two incredibly insightful books which helped me quite a bit (and might help if you would like to start this process anew). The first is Total Forgiveness. The second is How to Forgive Ourselves--Totally.

Relationship is so important. Even the dreams we dream mean very little if we have no one to rejoice with when we achieve them. Life means precious little if we cannot love. And we cannot love (well) if we choose not to forgive (deeply).

Who do you need to forgive?

The Glass in My Finger

2009-10-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago one of my clear Christmas ornaments shattered. Months later when I went to give myself a boost up off the floor, a rather large piece of the remaining glass still hidden in the carpet lodged itself into my finger.

Didn't seem like a problem to pull it out, though when I tried, the shard split in two. What was left lay completely below my skin so I had two options. Go to the ER and let somebody do a lot of cutting into my finger (expensive and painful) or take a wait-and-see approach. I opted for the latter.

At first my finger simply pretended the glass wasn't there. Skin grew over the cut. For a few weeks the pain went away. I eventually believed it didn't even matter. The glass just didn't bother me and sometimes I forgot about it.

But after another week or so, a bump appeared on my skin. Then the bump started to hurt. Then the bump started to hurt a lot. Still not trusting the ER to not do more cutting than necessary, I opted to do the extraction myself.

After soaking that finger for probably way longer than was needed, I sterilized a needle and some tweezers to help me do the deed. Within a few minutes the blessed glass was out of my hand, and instantly I felt better. Case closed.

Dreams in our hearts are like that shard of glass in my finger. I had something inside of me that needed to come out. The difference is an unrealized dream isn't likely to kill you. But in time it does make its presence known and eventually it will demand release. You can stifle it and let life grow around it or you can open up your heart and let it out.

It's the pain of opening up our hearts we struggle with, however, and living life to the fullest is a process without easy answers, unfortunately. But I know in my case, not allowing myself to dream or to achieve goals is really more unbearable to me than giving up.

What about you? Are your dreams festering in your heart or are they out in the open?

Response to "I Am Autism" Video

2009-10-05T14:18:00.000-07:00

Not long ago, a video called "I Am Autism" showed up on the internet. I didn't see it, but it caused enough of an uproar that I sure heard about it.

Should the video have been made? Probably not, but the truth is it's not for me to say.

Even though scores of autistic people thrive despite the diagnosis, just as many do not. Some children are severely mentally retarded. Some are blind, some are deaf. Initially news like this crushes a parent's heart.

Therefore, I think "I Am Autism" probably was an expression of grief. Perfectly understandable, but unfortunately not everyone can relate to that kind of pain.

Still, I forgive those who made and aired the video. And my heart goes out to all those wrestling with hopelessness today. That is such a hard place to be. You want answers but you aren't sure if there are any. I know. And I'm deeply sorry.

Any thoughts?

A Short Note

2009-10-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

Hello, everybody.

I'm pretty new at this blogging thing, but it looks like you all prefer to read posts during the week rather than the weekends. So, instead of posting every other day, I'm going to post every week day. On the weekends, I'll take a break with you.

On Monday, I'll post my reaction to the "I Am Autism" video, and later in the week, I'll tell you all about my moving into a new apartment.

Enjoy what's left of your weekend!

Contentment

2009-10-01T00:35:00.000-07:00

Five years ago, the bottom completely dropped out of my life. Among other things I had a huge health scare and a few loved ones died. I tried to keep myself composed but one thing after another knocked me back down so I decided to do something drastic. I decided to let myself grieve.

Grieving is not popular in our culture. It's not quick. It's not pretty. And neither was I. For three years, misery leaked out of my every oriface. And if you were a part of my life then, you know you had a pretty thankless job. You truly have my deepest apologies.

But one day, this March, I woke up and the grief was just gone. I felt like a better version of my old self. And my old self was right on the verge of grasping the value of contentment. Picking up where I left off, I'm now realizing that problems are a constant in everyone's life. It's how we deal with them that makes all the difference in the world.

Being content does brings a certain tension to life, though. On the one hand, there's a conscious choice not to complain about the way things are. On the other hand, problems need to be acknowledged in order to move beyond them. Still, contentment adds an element of graciousness to life which is what I want to bring to the table when interacting with others.

I'm enjoying my days now. I'm getting reacquainted with the old me but am discovering a new me, too.

And I gotta say--it's a whole lot of fun!

Misunderstandings

2009-09-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

Out of all the priorities I have in my life, the one I consider the most important is loving and caring for other people. My social skills leave a lot to be desired, though, so this can be a bit of a challenge at times.

The problem isn't that I don't love people. It's that I just don't know how to demonstrate it without becoming overwhelming.

The funny thing is if I meet somebody who doesn't quite click with me, relating to that person isn't a problem. Since I'm not aiming to build a relationship, I'm relaxed and can be myself. Ironically, these are the people who want to get to know me.

Now, if I could only kick back with people I do want to get to know! But no. I try too hard to connect. Talk too much. Say everything wrong imaginable. I ruin a good friendship almost the moment it starts. This stinks, to be honest.

Are you an adult with autism? Has this happened to you? When you try to demonstrate compassion is it misunderstood? Let me know. I'm interested in your experience and what you have to say.

Photoshop Fun

2009-09-26T16:59:00.000-07:00

Just a little creation I put together with Photoshop the other day. Enjoy. (Click here to see a larger version.)

Laundry and Tosca: The Marcia Whitehead Story

2009-09-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever dreamed about becoming an opera singer? Marcia Whitehead did. Do you think it's necessary to be a rich teenager to fund and fulfill that dream? Marcia Whitehead didn't. She's never made more than $12 an hour, yet for more than twenty years, she's passionately pursued a vision most of us wouldn't even have the courage to think about.

Marcia is also the subject of the award-winning documentary Laundry and Tosca. Watch it (it's free) and follow her as she travels to New York City to audition for a world famous opera instructor--right on the heels of September 11th.

Does she have what it takes? Check out the video and see. The film's just thirty minutes long but even if you can't watch the whole thing, I guarantee the first five minutes will change your life. You will never think the same way about your dreams again.

Autism: The Rigid Thinking Dilemma

2009-09-22T14:01:00.000-07:00

Rigid thinking is really just one half of a double whammy for autistic people. The fact is our thought patterns are often based on false beliefs we pick up here and there. Honestly this thought combo is rather problematic in the success of our day-to-day functioning.

For instance, I thought when people made goals, those goals were never allowed to be tweaked or modified. Not following a plan to the letter meant failure. Now where did that idea come from? I have no idea, but I utterly believed it until recently. You see how this might be a bit crippling.

With my new understanding, however, I'm finally now able to make mind maps of my goals. Though still not an easy task (it takes me two days to make a single page of just one map), this is a true breakthrough. Here's an example:

This map is just a little tool, and it's not yet completed. But you are welcome to use it, study it, download it, if you think it will help you get closer to accomplishing your own dreams. And I'll post the finished map online for you. Then you can make one for yourself, step by step, if you like. It's actually sort of fun.

Brian Regan Sees The Doc

2009-09-21T17:40:00.000-07:00

Just a little comic interruption here. Nothing to do with living the dream, but Brian Regan wisely explains why we should never stand in front of a cannon.

Autism and Dreams: The Planning Problem

2009-09-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

If you ever want to really rattle my cage, just ask me, "What's your plan?" Doesn't matter for what. Could be for lunch, the weekend, five minutes from now. I don't have a plan, won't have a plan, and most likely can't even have a plan but sssshhhh. People tend to equate the inability to set goals with laziness so let's keep this secret of mine just between you and me.

So what's the problem? Is this a theory of mind deficit or something altogether different? Or could a breakdown in executive functions really be the culprit? Some autism researchers seem to think so.

But what are executive functions? According to scientist Dr. Muriel Lezak they "refer to the ability to engage in independent, purposive, and goal directed behavior." Goal directed behavior refers to the ability to control impulses, to organize, and to inhibit thoughts and actions that interfere with the attainment of a specified goal.

Since goals do need to be set in order to realize a dream, this can be quite the neurological obstacle course for anyone on the spectrum. Even so, I do not think executive function dysfunction is necessarily a dream killer although admittedly the inability to plan can be quite frustrating for me at times.

And don't get me wrong. I have limitations. A lot of limitations--that I used to try to defy except doing so always made me feel incredibly anxious. Now I accept most of my limits so anxiety isn't as much of a problem as it used to be. Without fear cluttering up nearly all of my mind, it is much easier for me to make goals and to enjoy the reward of achieving them.

If you know someone with autism, please understand that planning is a neurological process which involves a number of complex cognitive skills. Too often I am falsely labeled as passive and irresponsible because I cannot organize my time or imagine myself doing some future task. I have better things to do than to intentionally set myself up for failure, so it's puzzling as to why people would draw this conclusion about me.

On behalf of the entire high-functioning but misunderstood autistic community, I'd like to politely ask you to please stop with the labeling. If you have a computer at your disposal take a look at the new autism research. It's a new day. The era of we-have-behavioral-problems-for-the-sake of-misbehaving is over. We need you to know that truth because you--yes you--can help us come out of the dark. And trust me--we want to come out to see the light of day.

Thank you.

Dream It, Believe It, Be It

2009-09-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

This month O Magazine features an excellent article written by Sandra Magsamen called "Dream It, Believe It, Be It." She writes indepth tips on how to bring a dream to life along with 4 steps "to help you live your passion."

The 4 steps:

1. Identify Your Passion

2. Create a Mission Statement

3. Write a Step-by-Step Plan

4. Put Your Plan Into Action

Magsamen fleshes out each of these steps with a number of provocative questions which are designed to help you think more deeply about who you are. And that's a pertinent key to realizing a dream--you do really need to know who you are and to be willing, as the author says, to nurture yourself. The dreams harbored inside of you cannot grow otherwise.

This article helped me to bring some of my dreams into sharper focus, although for me and for many people with autism, planning of any kind requires a herculean effort. In my next post, I'll address why it is so difficult for us to plan and will give suggestions on how to work through these challenges.

In the meantime, consider this article a homework assignment. What is your passion in life? When your mind wanders, what are you thinking about? Does your mind drift to the same images again and again? If you can answer these questions, watch out. You've got the makings of a dream on your hands. Have fun, and if you'd like, feel free to comment here about the things you spend your free time thinking about!

Whitney Houston's "O" Interview

2009-09-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

I can't remember the last time I actually counted down the days until an Oprah season premiere. In fact, I think this time might have been a first. But for years I've been saying my prayers for Whitney Houston hoping she would find herself again. After watching her today on Oprah, I think it's safe to say my prayers have been answered.

I can hear the murmurs now. Did you really pray for her? Yes. Why? I think the answer to that question is in "The Preacher's Wife." Every time she opens her mouth to sing, gospel especially, her eyes sparkle with an unmistakable, exuberant joy. This is a picture of a woman in her element. This is a woman who knows what she was born to do.

Like the Prodigal Daughter, however, she walked away from it all for a while. When she did, she lost her identity, but finally Ms. Houston has come out of the dark. And I celebrate her return. Not to music. Not to the spotlight. Not to anything but to the return to herself and to God, the One who gave her such a tremendous gift and who loves her more than any of us really ever could.

Welcome back, Whitney. We've missed you.

The "Life Is Good" Giveaway

2009-09-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

Life is good. I haven't always thought so, to be honest, but it finally dawned on me there's more than one way to look at things which I've been doing lately. As it turns out, I pretty much like what I see.

In honor of living this better life, I'd just like to have the opportunity to brighten up your day. I'd like to give you (please scroll to the bottom for further details) a "Life is Good" product of your choice and a copy of South of Broad by Pat Conroy. He sees Charleston with open eyes which is sure to add a little color to your day.

This is just an aside, but I truly love Charleston, too. Here are a few pictures of the city taken during a walk. Hope you enjoy them. (Click here to see a large version of the collage.)

Further details:

1. To win the giveaway package, email me with "Life is Good" in the subject line. You don't have to write anything in the body section.

2. I am not collecting email addresses. But I can't send you something if I don't know you want it.

3. The 50th person to email me will be declared the winner.

4. If 50 people do not respond by October 15th, the last person to enter will win.

5. If you are the winner, I'll contact you on October 16th for some further details (which is just what "Life is Good" product you'd like). You'll receive your gift package by October 31st.

6. There are no secret surveys, secret mailing lists, secret anything associated with this contest. I just want you to have a book and a shirt for the fun of it.

Eye Tracking Study My Eye!

2009-09-10T11:28:00.000-07:00

Recently I signed up to participate in an eye tracking study. I often miss things staring me right in the face but can find half buried pennies in the dark. I hoped this experiment would shed some light on this peculiarity, but alas, it wasn't meant to be.

Right now, I can't reveal any details of the experiment. On the incredibly off chance someone with autism here in Charleston reads this, participates, and tells all of their friends to do the same, there could be some data skewing a few professors would not be happy about. Don't think I want to be responsible for that, so mum's the word for now.

What I will say is this: My social skills might be out of kilter with the rest of the world's, but people matter to me. I notice you. Your smiles brighten my day, and your tears, when you cry, weigh on my heart. Your feelings are not lost on me.

Coincidentally, before participating in the study today, I watched part of this Temple Grandin video. In it she discusses theory of mind research and how she wishes scientists would move beyond this idea. Ditto. It's time to pay more attention to factors (i.e., sensory overload) which keep us from entering into and enjoying relationship. There's nothing better than to know and to be known by people. At least not in my book.

We've got to live together in this world. Let's find a way to do it. Oh, and to spread a little sunshine, I'm going to be having a little giveaway. If you're interested in knowing more details about it, check back in a couple of days. I'll tell you more about it then. Until then, have a beautiful day.

Autism: A Roadblock to a Life Fully Lived?

2009-09-08T16:52:00.000-07:00

Here are two more facts about myself:

I am autistic.
I am passionate about wanting to help others improve the quality of their lives.

Wait. Isn't this a contradiction in terms? Aren't autistic people supposed to be totally oblivious to other people's feelings? Doesn't the whole concept of empathy go over our heads? Don't we want to be alone all the time and avoid other people?

Up until six or seven years ago it's true my attitude towards others lived up to what you'd typically expect from someone on the spectrum. I had no compassion. Who needs it? And love? Forget about it. Actually, I hated people. There's just no other way to say it.

But all that has sinced changed. And if you'd like to know how, I'll be more than happy to tell you. Just stay tuned over the next few posts (or more) and watch the story unfold. If you have any questions along the way, I'll do my best to answer them. That is, after all, part of the reason I'm here. I want to help anyone with anything in anyway I can.

A Woman's Place

2009-09-06T20:17:00.001-07:00

Here are two little facts about myself:

I am a woman.
I cannot cook.

Shocking, isn't it? Oh, the horror of living an entire life not knowing what lemon zest is or how to debone a chicken! Actually I never thought it was all that horrible until confronted by not just one, but a number of people lately, who believe a woman's life outside the kitchen is just not worth living.

I'm amazed. Both men and women alike are equally incredulous when they hear I can't cook. They are quiet for a moment but then it hits them. "You can cook," they say, "except you just don't want to!" Immediately their faces brighten with relief. All is right with the world again. I'm just lazy rather than some mutated female visiting from a kitchenless planet.

Uh huh.

Seriously, I wonder why cooking is so deeply woven into a woman's (supposed) identity that if she can't (not won't) fry up some bacon, she's really not a woman at all. Not that anyone would say such a thing out loud, but a few folks have come close. When they do, it really bothers me. Limited thinking always bothers me.

I love being a woman. I love the fact that tenderness, gentleness, softness and all things female are packaged into every single cell floating around in my body. And I love knowing my true place in this world is not determined by an antiquated stereotype. Instead, it's all about wherever it is I happen to be.

Beautiful You

2009-09-04T08:26:00.000-07:00

Don't ask me how I ever noticed this but for some reason when the word "beautiful" wants to cross my lips, I usually replace it with the word "pretty." Saying any more than that, especially if I'm trying to compliment another person, just makes me feel uncomfortably vulnerable.

But this morning I was still thinking about Thomas Merton and his idea of a true self. I can't really be true if I walk around with a fear of vulnerability all the time, especially if this prevents me from speaking lovingly to my friends.

I also wondered if this fear of telling people, "You're beautiful," affected me in other ways, so I conducted a simple experiment today. I exposed myself to various objects and thoughts of beauty and noted my responses to them.

It surprised me to learn that flowers, Pudge, the neighbor's dog, a good story and even beautiful memories all elicited feelings of fear after a short encounter with joy. Not what I expected, but hence the need to do an experiment in the first place.

The truth is beauty is all around me, but until now I've chosen to downplay the importance of acknowledging it. I imagine this leaves my friends somewhat deflated and God without praise. I think this is a problem that needs to be rectified. Thankfully, it can be.

True or False? Ask Merton.

2009-09-02T13:00:00.000-07:00

You might think that after all the time we spend living in our own bodies, knowing ourselves intimately would be a relatively simple thing. Yet lately, I've heard frequent references to a man named Thomas Merton and his writings on what he called "the authentic self" which suggest otherwise.

We all don social masks which prevent others from getting to know us as we are. Nothing new there. But why do we wear masks that keep us from knowing ourselves? And if I don't know myself, how can I love myself and then in turn love others?

Seems like this is square one. If you want to live fully--dreams and all--love other people. If you want to love others, love you. If you want to love you, know you. Do you know who you are?

I Believe in You

2009-08-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

His name was Braeden, and he had a dream to conduct the Boston Pops. After I met him and learned he taught himself to play nine musical instruments and wrote orchestral scores routinely performed at his high school, I had no doubt that he could easily accomplish his goals, ambitious as they were. So with much enthusiasm, I told Braeden, then a 17-year-old junior, "You absolutely have what it takes to conduct the Pops. You can do this!"

Instead of the bashful thank you I expected to hear, Braeden dropped to his knees beside my chair and burst into tears. He put his arms around my neck and said, "No one else thinks I can do this. Why do you believe in me?"

I believed in Braeden because his talent seeped from every pore of his soul. Even Mr. Magoo could have seen that, blind as he was. Yet no one ever said to him, "You can do this." In fact, he was often discouraged from even trying. I didn't understand everyone's pessimism and to be honest, it angered me a little bit.

Be different. It's not hard to identify an extraordinary person, so if you do, be the one to tell them, "I believe in you." You never know how far a spirit can soar on the wind of those words. In Braeden's case, he went the distance. He hit his stride and relentlessly worked toward raising the money he needed to reach his goals. He became the youngest guest conductor to ever stand before the Boston Pops. His performance was so breathtakingly flawless the standing ovation he received seemed like it was never going to end. I've never seen anyone so happy in all of my life. That, my friends, is a little bit of naked joy.

Go change a life. Encourage somebody. You can do it.

The Authority Within

2009-08-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

According to the ancient Hebrews, the human heart was the epicenter of an individual from which all issues of life flowed. Identity, thoughts, plans, hopes, dreams, and even intellect developed and grew inside the womb of the heart's pulsing chamber walls.

What if this is still true today? What if our very lives do flow from our heart and our brain, applauded for its stoicism and steadfast logic, is simply an assistant to the heart, carrying out its orders, wishes, and demands? Jeff A. Benner with the AHRC (Ancient Hebrew Research Center) said that the two pictures--a shepherd's staff and the floor plan of a nomad's tent--which create the Hebrew word for heart (lev), when combined, mean the "authority within." Could it be that perhaps this blood pumping muscle is more than we give it credit for and is the boss after all?

Personally, I like this idea. The thought that my heart is the authority within gives me the courage to explore the depths of who I am and to dream of the person I might one day become.

Does Everyone Dream?

2009-08-26T14:22:00.000-07:00

I used to think so. As I've gotten older, though, my opinion about this has changed. Maybe we were all born with the ability to imagine ourselves moving outside of the shadows of a dim and colorless reality, but few adults it seems, dare to continue to stoke the fires of their dreams. Some cannot even recall past longings and desires, but if and when those memories of such things leak back into the consciousness of a person's spirit, is it enough of a spark to eventually fan into flame? Or will cynicism, often disguised as concern, logic, common sense, etc., prevail as it so often does and gleefully snuff the life out of any hope a dreamer has for a different and brighter tomorrow?

Here's a quote from T.E. Lawrence:

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes to make it possible. This I did."